As a consequence of the many complaints, suggestions, and inquiries about this problem over the last few hundred years, the
Office de Touristas (Limbo division) has requested that a brief statement regarding this difficulty be com-posted for all confused,
perplexed newcomers, in order that others might profit from their disorientation due to this timely dis-information.
In general, the dialects of Hell may be grouped into three broad categories of speech, depending upon uncertain or vague
contextual circumstances and diabolical points of view.  In principle two-way communication is permissible and even marginally
possible in most social contexts in Hell, providing that the communicants are detached, of equal rank, grade and degree, and do
not suffer from the many forms of speech dysfunction designed to impair or eliminate language ability for state security reasons.  
However, elaborate rules of etiquette dictate the dialect that may be used on any occasion, and serious consequences remain the
rule for those who violate the norms of linguistic interaction.

While it is not possible within the limitations imposed by this brief account of the major dialects of Hell to elaborate completely
upon the subtleties of diabolic dialectics, it can be said with some degree of certitude that permissible communications often
depend upon such distinctions as whether one is conversing with a superior or a subordinate, the precise nature of the occasion,
whether one is issuing commands (to subordinates) or requests (to superiors),  whether one is in or out of favor, what one’s
duties are or were, if one is commanded to be disobedient, circumspect or dis-respectful, if one is eating, serving one’s superiors,
or being eaten, one’s status within the hierarchy of an organization, the size of one’s flesh bank account and so on. Violators of
the norms and matters of etiquette (breaches of Hell’s codes of con-duct) are frequently punished by reassignment to lower
echelons of status or service and, in the most severe cases, to relocation, transmigration, or reeducation in Bottomside or
Sewercide service.

Notwithstanding the above, students of things Hellish remain generally in agreement that the following system of classification
with respect to the dialects of Hell is a reliable though somewhat abridged indication of the state of affairs concerning matters
linguistic in the contemporary infernal regions.

In his monumental survey
Dis-Loco Dialectics, the renowned diagnostician and paleographer In-Articulatus of Rhodes was the
first student of modern dialectology to tackle the task of mapping the degraded dialects of DIS. After detailed examinations and
exhaustive exhumations, exodontics, and the collection, coding and analysis of voluminous exiguous data, based on intensive and
extensive sampling of regional speech behavior in the first five decades of the twentieth century, and drawing on the works of
earlier researchers for the previous century, Rhodes tracked down, trussed up and mapped the primary relationships and range of
distribution (rod) for the most important dialects of Bottomside, over an arduous seventy-five year period. Although subsequent
work by others in the field added a wealth of  important companion data, Rhodes’ impeccable scholarship and rigorous attention
to detail insured that the system of classification for clarifying the complexities of demonic dialects would be his and his alone.  
What follows, then, is a brief account, essentially non-technical in nature,  of Rhodes curious map describing the qualities, quirks,
and regional distribution of his three major dialectal phyla:  Burocratese, Militarese, and Hogamous Sleaze (or Received Standard


In general, Burocratese is the dialect of die-speech spoken by Dis-nation’s cibil servants (civilian siblings in government service).  
In its highest form (most cultivated) it is partially intelligible, with a fog index rating of six on a scale of one to ten (ten being
nonsensical).   Few speakers, however, ever attain mastery of this higher form, since it requires a fine sense for the expression of
things intelligible, while at the same time making them appear somewhat unintelligible.  For those who master its subtle qualities
for articulating clarity through vagueness and who develop skill in deciphering qualified disinformation, it provides a powerful
tool for intimidating subordinates and for avoiding the consequences of irresponsibility, ignorance, general incompetence and
specific misconduct.

Burocratese is the speech of the Dis educated classes of Hellish society , particularly the highest echelons of  simps (subjects in
marginal public service) as well as the middle to upper ranks of those employees assigned to monkey in business and the
commercial pursuits.  Its low-down form—Burro Crapese—sometimes referred to as Stupor Pud Talk, is fashionable in most Dis-
government bureaus, where it is especially preferred by those Suck up-comers (low level bureaucrats in the intelligence agencies)
who seek to curry favor with their closed mouthed immediate superiors.

Burro Crapese (generally low-down) is the Dis dialect enjoyed by the great masses of souls (spooks) who inhabit Dis regions
major urban population centers.  In Limbo it is referred to as Donkey Crappy, where its rod  is from Level 2 to Level 7. It is the
dialect of preference for much of the Nagshima Plains shod penitent populations and is known to occur sporadically in some
Sewercide hovels at Level 13, but not below.  Disco employees (lower grades) are required to show proficiency ratings with a
class two fog index in the low-down form, as it is the principal dialect of discourse for exchange in all Disco rest homes, rent
shops, and body parts markets.  Essentially, low-grade Burro Crapese is a trade lingo for haggling over the exchange of flesh and
sin-sign (flesh currencies) in Dis proper.  Its present range of distribution now encompasses levels seven to thirteen.  

Proppo Graffiti Jibe (or Jive)  

Although generally classified as a form of Burro Crapese, many scholars have argued that Proppo Graffiti Jibe is simply a
maverick form of Hogamous Sleaze adopted by Dis-service personnel as a means of placating distrusting, distempered colossi,
waz nazi and other disagreeable personalities. Its speakers have recently fallen from favor, however, and it is rarely spoken at the
highest levels of Dis-government’s bureaucracies.  Nevertheless,  it remains the special medium of most news and
communications specialists in the print and broadcast media, is a favored business hype lingo and promotions jargon, and is
occasionally used by government spokes-demons for diplomatic and quasi legal purposes.  Proppo Graffiti Jibe shares
characteristics with the pidgin speech known as Dis Dribblins da Dildo Dribble, the dialect favored by the government’s croons
and loonies and is often used to lord it over any underlings less passionate lingo (persons newly assigned to government research
and development services).  As an instrument of state propaganda it is typically found scrawled on the walls of shid houses and
shock chambers throughout DIS and the regions of Sewercide.   All Imperial Crystal Palace scribes above the grade of copy
smith are required to master this lingo prior to entering any branch of HISS imperial foreign service. Although its range of
distribution remains rather limited by the usual standards, its fog index rating is a typical +1 to –2.


Three forms of this screechy die speech are universally distinguished in DIS and Limbo, but perhaps the best known is Squish
(Sq. Hog.) as it is the lingo of the concentration camps in the Komman-Dante system (Hell’s cons concentration
camps) as well as the principal dialect for discourse among Dis induction systems civil service management, staff and personnel,
especially those who are in any capacity con-neck-tied with the disintegration, extermination, examination, or transportation of
souls, flesh or body parts, and the distribution of tribute (see, for example, ‘megabutts’) to the general population in any of the
Bottomside flesh trade and body parts markets. (In DIS form of currency, 100 megabutts equal one mega-buck.)

Squish Hogamous is a retrograde dialect that devolved from degraded
Higgamous Gobble da Gook-i-pus in the decade
following the cons consonantal bloat phase of the Second Word War (1919-1939).  In its purest form it remains almost
incomprehensible to non-speakers, due to its fog index which approaches –10. It is hypothesized that this degrading process was
a necessary factor for the survival of Bottomside holocaust victims during the war years, when numerous attempts were made to
find a nuclear solution to the Bottomside population problem. As a result, Squish Hogamous is spoken extensively on Nagshima
Plains wherever nuclear testing was conducted among the F.A.R.T.S. District cantons (Federal Atomic Research Testing
Stations) and containment centers, and it is the most important medium of information exchange in Limbo where it is known as
Vox Populis.  

Hoggamous Gook Squish Gobble, or Kong Con Gone Gobble as it is known in Limbo, is dis militant kook commanders sign
language for the issuance of orders odorous and is the primary dialect of all the military orders of Hell, including Distinguished
Dissidents of DIS nation, Dis gook legions, and Dis-loyal Navies.  Its ideations tend to revolve around notions of obedience,
efficiency, duty, and loyalty to the state, and its hierarchically organized slobber slogans are peculiarly suited to justifying the
necessity for especially unpleasant assignments.  As such, it is a required form of communication among all ranks, grades, and
degrees of military service in Hell, at all levels (i.e. its rod is from 1-26).

All three of these important DIS dialects are known to have evolved from a series of little understood mating fads and re-
education experiments conducted by the con bloated boards of educational administration (the Moronic bug-ish school boards)
during the decade from 1890-1900, when the syntactic shape and primary morphological patterns of  Militarese syntax were
modeled upon careless studies of the proto cricket speech called
Chirp Slick Crabby.  As a result, the military dialects of Hell
are generally believed to represent the most debased and regressive forms of Dis-Spiranto known to scholars of the Hellish
dialects.  Furthermore, it is certainly no accident that the new poster craze speech patterns of Sewercide owe much of their
projectile vomit emphasis and attributes to heavy borrowing from all three of these speech sources, particularly the two forms of
poster spit recently identified as
Die Camps Logo a la Gogo and the incredibly puke corrupting Sewercide Loco Puds Lick
.  Recent evidence has tended to suggest that Dick Spitters Dribble may also be related.

Hogamous Sleaze or Received Standard Higgamous

By far the most prevalent dialect in Hell is Hogamous Sleaze, which subsumes at least eight distinct subtypes.  According to the
most current surveys of its speakers, Hogamous Sleaze plays a unique role as the primary medium of communications for tying
all of the segments of DIS and Limbo society together.  In one form or another, sleaze is spoken at all levels by all vertical and
horizontal populations of survivors.  All eight subtypes are direct descendents of Pig Boat Sleaze and Dis Lingo Lick Waz Nazi,
the flesh and soul trade lingoes spoken by the demon crews and Flesh Capitandos of the Styx River merchant marine, who
historically dominated the slave cargo and soul immigration traffic across the boundary between Limbo and Dis proper before the
crossed Styx induction and transportation systems were constructed during the 1920’s in Hell.  A brief description of each
subtype follows.

Crappo Lingo is the speech of booty and dis-pleasure duties within the imperial service sectors of Sewercide.  Loyalty oaths and
anthems inglorious are dispelled in this dialect, and it is the medium of address for counting tribute (flesh) once it has been
distributed for duty, dues, and bully services rendered.  On those occasions when such tribute is received (spooned out), the
recipient, according to the codes of misconduct, must gratefully acknowledge dis-pleasure in receiving an allotment of booty with
as artful and punctilious a display of this lingo as is implied by the value of the tribute received.

A close cousin of Crappo Lingo is
Crusto Sleaze but its use in DIS is insignificant, owing to the extreme difficulty of
pronouncing its carnal analogous ‘plosives and slit tongued fricatives, unless one’s vocal mechanisms have been suitably modified
to suit the production of these consonants and its con-sonorous  vocables.   Its non-adepts are said to exhibit a coarse sense of
the fine distinctions regarding snarls and slurs, and lack the ability to perceive the color  signs and symbols associated with its
liquid language processes and scatological speech functions…

Perhaps the most popular off duty lingo in DIS and Limbo is the dialect known as
Bigamous Hogamous.  It is the favorite
recreations tongue among the militant demon classes of Limbo, is employed by Dis entertainment bureaus, Disco dizzies, the porn
flickers and camp recreations staff for Stiff Komman Dante motion pictures trades and most of the telecommunications traffic in
DIS media and the print mediums of  MGM, (magazine gush and mush unlimited).  Essentially, Bigamous Hogamous is a die
speech composed largely of explicit sexual metaphors and sadomacious similes, although many of its crud allusions remain
offensive to those with more modern cosmopolitan tastes.  It became popular among the demonic youth of DIS during the 1930s
and 40s, probably in reaction to the stultifying effects and confusions associated with too frequent use or dependence upon
Squish Hogamous, the lingo of the death camps of Limbo.  Bigamous Hoggamous is closely related to Squids Squished da
Hoggamous from which its speakers borrowed many camp cadre commands, finger signs and symbols, and related sadomacious

Squids Squished da Hoggamous remains the preferred dialect of upper echelons in the DIS foreign service corps and trade
bureaus.  Its uses extend the diplomatic jargon of the illuminati and illiterati for discourse and dialectics between the nation states
and progressive principalities of all Dis regions convicts in government service stations throughout the infernal territories of hell.  
Characterized by unusually subtle forms of oblique compliment, double-edged flattery, obsequious metaphors and numerous
forms of oily disclaimer and disqualification, its functions are designed to advance the careers of those who seek privilege and
curry favor at the highest levels of government service in demonic society.  Ministers of Dis and Dat, all revenue inspectors of
the rigorous sectors (IRS) and agents of SUCK Central, including Hiss SS and Sla-V agents, must retain pro-ratings in this
dialect. Recent evidence has documented the spread of SS Hogamous within the castes of the corporate cats at the highest levels
within the Disco trusts and the major financial establishments of DIS proper. Satan Lucifer VII Hissself popularized this dialect as
a result of his use of SS idiolectal disclaimers during a series of fire-cide chats he delivered from the Wreck room of the Imperial
Crystal Palace, during the late thirties and early forties in DIS.

Simp Sleaze is a crude crud-lingo designed for communication with those whom the speaker chooses to designate as his obvious
subordinates. As a result it is perhaps one of the most important forms of  down under talk below level 12.  It is the primary
means of communication within the vast re-education systems of Sewercide; and bottomside survivors who have graduated from
Sewercide will, of course, naturally be effluent with it.  Simp Sleaze contains core elements of most of the major dialects of Hell,
and, for this reason,  its adoption as the universal language of DIS has often been proposed by those who favor its ideations over
other more restrictive dialectal forms.  Because Simp Sleaze offers a blend of many lexical forms from several dialects it is
perceived as the logical choice to provide Hell with a single ‘functional instructional medium’ for all spook remediation and state
supported programs for educational retardation.

A close relative of Simp Sleaze,
Scatological Sleaze or Scatoloco for short, is a crud lingo of particular importance to those who
wish to understand the complexities of economic systems, currencies, and financial transactions in DIS. Like all crud lingoes, its
ideations revolve around discharges and suctions associated with soul foods, die souls, and liquefied or flash fresh foods
processing functions throughout Hell, as well as various matters to do with waste and waste retrieval and those byproducts
produced by industrial, biochemical, and certain biological dysfunctions.  Below level 12 it is known as
Sewer Sleaze and is
spoken by all personnel who labor in the cloaca service squads of Sewercide.  No other dialect in DIS retains as close an affinity
to the purest forms of Pig Boat Sleaze and Dis Lingo Lick Was Nazi as does Scatoloco.

Dick Lingo Sleaze serves as the most important means of communication in DIS and Limbo for those elite demons who preside
over the banks, boards and corporate trusts of Disco, the imperial family’s holding company which governs the Fortunate 5000
major corporations of Hell.  But more importantly,  it prevails as the private dialect of DIS nation’s supreme leader figures and
puppets, including bab luna boons, their bunnies, the house louses and senapes, most distinguished members of the hot congress
and dismembered insiders of imperial society in general.  It is a lingo of invidious comparison cloaked with insidious insult and
straddled with occasional passages of Crusto Sleaze, which it is sometimes confused with. Even its purest form is laced with
poisonous metaphors deliberately chosen for their similarity to Hogamous Gook Squish Gobble.  As  such , it is a command lingo
only less ponderous and displosive than Debil’s Dribble itself.  Disco Mad Komman Dantes da dudes dangling, all DIS squads of
Hitmantas and their lil waz nazi special gators are trained to employ this dialect in social transactions and intercourse with victims
and subordinates.

Debil’s Dribble or more commonly Sadis or Sadisto Sleaze is the highest form of retrogressive dialect spoken or dispelled in
Hell (lil bats in a belfry say). It is a dialect of great breadth and application, filled with generally spectral spook-tacular idioms,
simp idiolectal discourse, totally forbidden ideations, and concepts of inexpressible clarity,  majesty, and resonating power.  It is
the language of the imperial family itself, shrouded in secrecy and dripping with spangled taboo.  Its closest relative is Suck Face
Sleaze, which is employed exclusively by command RAND ensigns in DIS intelligence and counter espionage services, in palace
intelligence reports and murky SUCK discourse with immediate, high level subordinates. SUCK security personnel below the top
three intelligence ratings refer to it intimately as Suck Schlemmo Sleaze.

The evolution and ongoing development of Debil’s Dribble represent the culminating linguistic consequences of the application of
refined sadism and other sadomacious principles to down DIS language instruction when (in 1854) the University of DIS at Dis-
Paris was disbanded.  Symbolically, it is perhaps technically accurate to suggest that Debil’s Dribble is nothing less than a highly
rarified form of symbol syphilis itself…    
What follows is a brief, non-technical account of the major historical dialects spoken in DIS and
Limbo, prepared and pro-rated by
Pops Clicks ana Stops, Senior Direktor, Chamber of Demonic
Dialect Study, Institute da Afriggan Fricatives and Zwollen Affricates, Department of Linguistics,
DIS Cryptic Cellblock,  College of Letters and the Arts Forked,  DIS of Pandemonium.
Those who have traveled in foreign countries will appreciate how disconcerting it can be to make
one’s human needs understood by speakers of a foreign tongue. Yet who would guess that this is
precisely the predicament which must be addressed by all souls who suddenly awake to find
themselves transported to Hell. Aficionados of Hell have only recently begun to acknowledge the
prodigious language problems encountered by migrant souls in Hell’s more populous regions. One
can barely imagine, let alone appreciate, the seeming gibber and chatter these new inductees
encounter upon their appearance in Limbo, where for centuries topsider languages have been
unequivocally and absolutely forbidden.
Dis-Courtesy of the Archives of The University of DIS at Dis-Paris
Pops Clicks ana Stops
Lucifer's Lexicon of the Dark Design