Dis College of Fetters an' Farts Dis-deliver
Dis College of Fetters an’ Farts [Militarese, all forms] Established to perpetuate the caste system of the state and designed and
organized to foster and propagate the creed of intolerance, immorality, and power mongering characteristic of Dis society, the
system of imperial military universities in Dis is committed to the proposition that peace is a sign of weakness, that death is
preferable to life, and that to rule in Hell is infinitely superior than to serve just about anywhere else. Military education in Hell
assumes that thinking (for yourself) is essentially a trivial and useless waste of time and effort because it tends to call into
question what others have been taught, especially others who will be giving you orders. Because thought is, therefore, (ipso
facto) potentially dangerous, it is dis-couraged (obviously). Time honored educational practices and techniques to reduce the
opportunity for independent thinking and the aptitude for it as well thus have remained commonplace in Hellenish military training.
Typically, substitutes for thinking include taking voluminous notes filled with unimportant facts and especially unimportant dates,
underlining or highlighting trivial details in textbooks or lab manuals in order to prepare for non-essential or downright silly
‘multiple choice’ tests, preparing for testing by ‘cramming’ (applying short term memory for short term goals) copying and
passing off as your own the writings of other equally limited authors, and ‘memorizing’ great gobs of totally useless, out of date
or simply erroneous “facts.” Subject any ‘student’ to a constant regimen of these activities and you will have conditioned that
student to avoid using his head at any cost. Deliberate menticide, the rape of the mind, is, of course, a common practice among
social institutions in general, but the degree or formal application of mind rape is nowhere as concentrated as it is in military
training, where obedience to one’s superiors is of special concern. To achieve both thoughtlessness and obedience, is thus the
highest priority established for the military orders of DIS. No amount of space, paper, words, pictures, tapes, filmstrips, films,
interviews, or on campus tours could, by necessity, provide the reader with a comprehensive understanding of the gestalt about
which we are here concerned. Nevertheless, the following brief (octo-dated December 13, 1913) is provided to intimidate
anyone interested in further research on the subject:
R.I.C.T.A.S. (Rand Intelligence Center Training Aides and Systems)
From the office of the Direktor of Accreditation Concerns comes this renouncement of an establishment course at Level II in
Bottomside, Corregidor Corridor, a fortified re-educational installation for the training and physical conditioning of officers of
the demonic secret military police forces of Dis.
A recent review of this installation and the course, by personnel on my staff, revealed the following subnormal conditions subject
to your review: The simulated flash [flesh] compaction chamber [an archaic type of concentration camp in Bottomside] was
poorly illuminated by substandard phosphorescent glow strips along the vertical surfaces of its walls. The air in the chamber was
typically rank due to a residue of residual squish [compacted remains]. The chamber was also merely jury-rigged to resemble a
crude classroom. Between narrow rows, files of wrought iron chairs bolted to the floor faced toward a bulletin board and a
projection screen along the forward wall. On the board, scrawled in jagged script with bone chalk, loomed an inscription
cryptically corrupted with spit recently spattered across it. Here and there the letters were deliberately smeared where the spittle
had dribbled down to form small puddles on the floor. A typical inscription read: “Spiculate on dese sober (silver) slogans!”
From speakers mounted above, a corrupted version of our Bottomside national anthem droned on and on, as if a phonograph
needle were caught in an endlessly repeating groove. The floor of the chamber was furthermore littered with bits of grit, patches
of uniforms, insignia, hat brims, even the remains of claws and fingernails bitten off at the quick. Near the center of the chamber,
an indifferent assortment of reclaimable odds and ends--thumbs, bunions, a thick yellow scum, parts of ears, eyes, small toes and
nipples (to name a few widout geddin’ toe hot deeply inta id) was simply swept into a haphazard pile. Nearby, a cooking pit [with
a brazier over it] had been somehow simply bashed into the iron floor. The odor of obnoxious charcoal lingered there, beside a
carpet of human hair…Near the entrance to the chamber, a bulletin board displayed only a single page of text (see below) from a
R.I.C.T.A.S. training manual, “Dis-Co Mad Kommandantes” [Hell's ten commandments for commanders of da camps Komman-
Dante]. On the projection screen mounted to the left of the blackboard, the same page appeared in foot-high, but only faintly
illuminated, red letters. Their appearance suggested the script was made deliberately difficult to read; the source projector itself
was apparently out of focus, the effect of which was to produce lines that flatten out too full along the vertical but too thin along
the horizontal. Individually, the words appeared stained with a patina or tarnish, and they occasionally rippled like tongues of
flame rising into thin air above a lake of fire. Below, I have included (editorially, Dis-intruded upon, yet still somewhat
functionally discernable), a description of the Code Lesson, which was originally meant to be disassembled and loaded odorless
(undetectable), before transpotting. Apparently, someone is responsible for failing to destroy secret classified information at the
conclusion of the course. The original syllabus, you will recall, required participants to memorize ten commands under the
appropriate conditions of limited time and extraordinary stress: (a) the sound of hydraulic machinery grinding through the thick
steel walls of the chamber, and (b) the opaque projector emiting an intermitant beam of reddish light. To the sound of gears
engaging, a few moments were to pass, and then the projector should have been programmed to sink slowly into a recessed
receptacle. Next, an iron panel should have been designed to shut over it, while another slammed across the forward wall, to
conceal the bulletin board and the projection screen. In the wink of an eye, 400 wrought iron chairs, set in their tightly
compacted rows, should have collapsed into flattened canisters, over each of which a false floor plate crashed shut. Apparently,
none of this occurred and the syllabus was not followed. Instead, with the exception of the training aids and conditions mentioned
earlier, the chamber was simply a bare rectangular room, nothing but walls, ceiling and floor, all iron plated. Furthermore, while
my staff was inspecting the chamber, the rear wall slowly began to grind forward, and a computer generated voice droned:
“Please be seated! You have forty seconds to memorize the information displayed on the forward wall. Should you be unable to
complete the task in the time allotted, a rather stiff penalty in stew points will be subtracted from your bogie for downside squish
domestic quarters and paste. In fact, yo’ berry beady basis for a vacation in this oasis will be abruptly terminated, and your yo-
yo will be downgraded to Level 12, where there is a shelf-life estimated to be three on a scale of nearly 25,000 degrees
Fahrenheit.” Under the circumstances, it appears advisable to withhold accreditation for this institution until we receive an
official explanation for failure to follow the prescribed course syllabus… The 10 spittle corrupted lessons are appended below:
Literally, “Spell disobedience ‘Dis-obedience’ as it is writ (spelled) in Hell.” Figuratively: “Scatter, spread disobedience wide out
on topside but remain stained wid obedience in Dis.” [Knot so refrained, yo’ ass whole hog gonna dwell ina bomb-z motel, my
private stalag. Drag yo’ slimy instamatic picture pussy down Sewercide, gimme jizz spiders, all ober yo’ my troubled insiders.]
Dis-counted be Dis-credited!
“What counts in Hell is what is to Hell’s credit. Do yer assigned runts; count cunts and therefore serve Hell’s ways and ends.
[Butts up wid’a whole lotta dis-dollies glutted my kinks banks repulsive, les’ yo wanna go on welfare, lose yo’ hairpiece an’ spare
tire! So watch yo’ whole life savings go up ina financial firestorm watch my mice solace bully boys sew yo’ eyes to yo’ thighs,
lay yo’ hot head to da lice, gedda good gut look whil’a gooks fondle fiddle, you puss fucked wida wipeout lazy motion magma
Dis-Paris be Dis-banded!
“Pairs in Hell are not permitted! Instead let there be circles of despair in Hell. Eye (surveillance systems) catch you pairing up,
you gonna be-a yo-yo, got no way ta say, OK UNCLE BOSS BABY! Any ol’ way fuggin’ round be no primary problem, butt’s
free, you can dominate whad wad yo’ bloody mouth can catch, crippled wida stick you stuck ina eyes o’ whatever.” [Bud make
no soul a mistake comin’ ‘bout dis cold anal * (the sign of a black star) on her clam. Ain’t no way fo’ hope to ray in yo’
sunshine, les’ your mammy fits right an’ you both commonly fist fight, bloody thy, yo’ rake lil dumb middle eye, piss blood ona
tit yo’ eat down to a pit so sweet and pitiless, she suck yo’ pitchin' fork wid her liposuction! I make dis clear?]
Dis-humor be Inherited!
“Let there be no humor in Hell and let this condition be found to be genetically inherited. Ain’t no way I wanna see cries brought
to tears in your eyes, les’ yo’ wanna simple simon (any common simp) piss yo’ ig ugly face, while he do a schlemmo gig
mounted on yo’ backside!” [Dis id so I know dat ain’t been tried, gonna puta (surgically implant) a sla-VD agent in yo’ pussy
fried worm, low brow yo’ brain stem, where my id-oil be so solid an’ sanctified, certified lingo fuzzy; you ged da drift ob dis
Dis-honor be Dis-service!
“Honor in Hell requires honorable service to Hell: Hellish ilk honor is Hellish milk service. Therefore honor Dis by serving Dis
ilk wida old milk odor cloven wid hoofs a Dis-honor. Is dat clear?” [Remember, all dishonorable acts--lick rape, clip infanticide,
pus murder yo’ victim’s brodder--will be willful spite so misjudged as dented wid disservice to DIS.]
Dis-respect be Dis-duty!
“Be respectful in Hell. It’s your duty to superiors. So below, do a low blow, show up yo’ inferiors wid no respect whatsoever;
dat is alzo yo’ duty. Be, therefore, dutiful while on butt duty, but don’ go slow, slip cut throat thick, widout yo’ crop duty stick.
Keep yo’ whip handy, too, right beside yo’ pick and shovel; be prepared for your grave yard, shifty wid eyes lookin’ dis way and
dat. Spell id out for all dose gravy souls you catch gold bricking!” [Unless you want to be reassigned to a pig boat assignment,
double crossed Styx...]
Dismembered be Dis-obedience!
“All who exhibit disobedience to Hell’s codes of discriminate criminal misconduct shall be exterminated! Membership in worship
of Hell demands strict obedience to Hell. Mutilation is obedience to Hell. Starvation is obedience to Hell. Vivisection is obedience
to Hell. Castration, fornication, masturbation, emasculation, yo’ ged it.” [Butt don’ forget to send down a 20% share to discredit
yo’ kink’s side karma bank account. Keep yo’ union dues up to stiff corpse credit rating!]
Dis-favor be Dis-gorged!
“Favoritism in Hell is abundant and spooned out to those whose toes know how to count. Hell is chock full of the flesh upon
which it prides itself. Make no mistake when you fake a clam bake. Put yo’ nose directly into any free brine, test der smell
befo’ bo diddle yo’ middle finger must pay the prime cost plus expenses fo’ some Demon baby’s con game dat you failed to
detect by da smell!” [It’s yo’ ass gonna pat pussy an’ pay da sky-scraper rent for makin’ any mistake down Dis real estate. So
Dis-loyal be Dis-nation!
“Hell is the notion of a national state composed of those loyal to the business codes of hate. Hail Heil Hell. Only through distilled
loyalty so frequently repeated and so violently repented does Dis-nation exist.Therefore, be dis-loyal and thereby legally loyal to
Dis-nation.That is the crated, stipulated and consecrated oily abundance of DIS legislated, all throughout my intentionally created
Dis-Nation be DIS Disgorged!
“Hell is all these things and more. War is the spawn of Hell. For Hell is overflowing with the flesh profits of wars conductedon
restructured soil topside! That is the point for war, the lucrative purpose behind the SS theory of business in Hell. Therefore,
export war to import bodies! More is never enough than what we had before. As any pud can tell; who isn’t carefully keeping
his scorecard handy?”
Disco complex (of Dis corporal distrusts, Dis corporations, and institutes) [Dick Lingo Sleaze] The grid of grim and grimy
mausoleums, chops and university chap-chiseling centers, flesh and body parts marts and markets, boards and Dis bankkink
establishments, sex and sickly exchanges, burros and under trade bureaus, shock and shark markets, stock and bondage holders,
Disco rent shops and rest homes which comprise and support the armaments industries of Dis rich and oso wound-rous nation.
Dis concentration kamps da be-was waz nazi [Dis Lingo Lick Waz Nazi] Bottomside Dis stalags and concentrated camps in
Dis or Limbo proper, commanded by re-cycled nazi war criminals or prominent nazi SS leaders of the Word Wars in Bottomside,
populated with the souls of members of the nazi party topside and others stigmatized by nazi sympathies or tendencies or the waz
nazi death camps in Limbo following the cessation of immigration (induction) across Styx River. [Squish Hogamous] Topside
concentration camps, especially but not restricted to those commanded by the nazi in Europe during the period 1933-1945, rather
crudely designed and modeled after the stalags in Bottomside by reanimated nazi souls exported (trans-potted) to the surface
before the con con-so-natal bloat phase of the Second Word War. [Hogamous Gook Squish Gobble] The principal soul food
processing centers of the pig boat fleet personnel and populations of the waz nazi peoples who inhabit the Churlman cities on the
perimeter (Level 7, nether shore) of Nagshima Plains.
Disco pigs ‘n’ panther piss-key [Scatoloco] A poisonous concoction of mixed parts of vaporized blood, amniotic fluids,
ammonia (NH2) and plutonium 239 served in thimble sized quantities in the more fashionable death camps of Dis.
Disco dis*ney dis*serts of disproportions [Simp Sleaze] On, or of the order or magnitude of Dis; as irreverent or distasteful as
Dis. [Crusto Sleaze] An awesome sulfur desert in Western Limbo (Dis Calfornix) extended and modified by the repeated
detonation of nuclear weapons in above and underground tests of atomic weaponry conducted for Dis by the GAC of the AEC
(The General Advisory Committee of the Atomic Energy Commission) from the period 1950 to the 1974...A phase of the project
known as the Limbo Land Boom first reported in the Dis Dispatch of December 7, 1937.
Disco*dump*da*skulls [Debil’s Dribble, all forms] Part of the project for tying all of Dis together, the second phase--begun in
1936 but not opened until the fall of 1945--of the Limbo Limbo Land Boom initially begun in 1919. A death camp of the most
subtle and technologically advanced type for its period, presided over by a camp Komman-Dante da dudes dangling, constructed
in the sulfur desert of Dis Calfornix and known for the almost unspeakable degree of its forms of soul mutilation and psychic
cruelty. (See entry above.)
Dis-cography [Simp Sleaze] The study of language, especially of the geographical distribution of the dialects of Dis, in order to
distort the reporting and the meanings of words.
Disco-graphy [Received Standard Higamous] The formal art-study of the parent corporation or holding company of Hell (Disco)
and of its subservient cartels and corporations which comprise the study of Dis whole business, consisting of the Dis-
extortionate 5000 corporations of major interest to students of Dis nation. The formal study of business, economics and society,
that which is, of course, the principal concern of this document.
Dis considers [Burro Crapese] That which is thought by Dis on second thought. [Simp Sleaze] Sideburns (siders) worn by a
con in Dis. Thoughts or ideas of a con (con’s iders) in Dis.
Disco offices of Disco desserts inc. [Burocratese] The corporate campus of Disco housing the central data banks of the
computerized records systems of Dis nation, containing the random access and sequential files of the cumulative history of
penology in Hell dating from the fall of the dark angel Satan Lucifer I (outcast from the ramparts of heaven) to the present.
Those who have attempted mathematical calculations of the order of magnitude of the biographic data contained in these files and
who have some appreciation of the collective sins of the human race during its span of relentless existence on this planet will
perhaps appreciate the fact that the central memory banks of this record system’s gray-Fish-E computers presently extend over
400 square kilometers. Should the reader wonder about the enormous number of souls remanded to the custody of Hell over the
centuries, it may be of some interest to note that even with the most sophisticated of modern computers working together on the
task, to tabulate the lifetime of crime committed by the present population of Dis infernal regions would require a time frame
bordering on approximately 600,000 years.
Dis collect (da die bodies) [Donkey Crappy] To collect a debt owed to Dis. [Scatoloco] To amass or accumulate the flesh of the
dead by means of the ant and worm armies of Dis nation especially from the battlefields or graveyards of topside. To transport to
Dis those who wear the collar of Dis.
Dis companies tripods a peckers [Squish Hogamous] Mobile TV meck-eunuchs (mechanical simulacra) which cover Disco
dizzy news stories for distribution through media services broadcasts down Dis. [Suck Face Sleaze] Robot homunculi equipped
with television cameras which function as mobile arms of the Satan Eyes data systems operated by SUCK Central Intelligence for
population control and intelligence gathering in all the regions of Hell. [Kong Con Gone Gobble] Roving gangs of bully spooks in
Sewercide that are responsible for the random generation of special events and pornographic recreational spectacles to be taped
and included in Dis news around the clock broadcasts.
Dis concepts [Simp Sleaze] Fuzzy ideas about dis and dat stuffed into the heads of the cons in the concentration camps of Dis
or Limbo. Thoughts or books on Dis written by the city denizens of Sewercide. [Sadisto Sleaze] Any of the formally agreed upon
definitions of the diet recipes of Sewercide, especially those published in the typologically organ-ized con-cordance of Hell-Foods
with Addendum and Menus. [Sadisto Sleaze] Any of the 9,999,999 con games known to have been perpetrated exclusively at
disconsolation of despair an’ dissolution [Debil’s Dribble] The ultimate consolation of those who despair in Dis, the final
annihilation of the soul itself by disruption of its ethereal mass through thermonuclear means. An oblique reference to the kooky
plot cooked up by da chef of Dis as the final solution to the Bottomside population problem.
discontent [Suck Face Sleaze] To be content to be a part of Dis, i.e. to be totally and irrevocably insane. [Sadis Sleaze] To be
content only to the extent that others are discontent. To seek sadis-faction in con-tent (rather than cunt).
discord [Proppo Graffiti Jibe] The sights and sounds of Dis. [Bigamous Hogamous] A hangman’s noose or knot or the sound
made by the crushed larynx of a victim of a lynching during a luncheon in a common fodder factory or cookie refectory in Dis.
Dis-corp [Hogamous Sleaze] Any of the core corporations of Dis proper. The body of Dis (the essence of Dis). [Burocratese]
The business of Dis nation i.e. the flesh trade. [Simp Sleaze] A corporal, the lowest of the ranks of Dis-committed officers of
Dis gook legions. [Scatoloco] The corpus of the laws of lawlessness of Dis nation. [Sewer Sleaze] The region of Dis below
Corpus Christi. [Militarese] A branch of the worm armies of Dis nation. [Dis Lingo Lick Waz Nazi] The charters, rights,
privileges and liabilities of the disintegrated die-souls of Dis nation.
Dis-corporations [Burocratese] Any of the reanimated forms of soul bodies created by the assemblage and rearrangement of
organs, objects, parts, and materials through biomedical or orthogenetic means such as those of the morphic-freaks of Dis (Dis
franken-faces, mongo-laddies, kookcrackozoids or afrigan nags) employed as maintenance personnel in the squish factories,
lethals chemicals, dis-biologicals and the farm-aceuticals industries of Sewercide. [Crusto Sleaze] The major corporations of Dis
nation, the fortunate of Dis hit list (Dis-extortionate 5000) organized under the holding company known throughout Bottomside as
Dis-Co, including Eye C-B-S, Eye C B M’s, Hiss NBCick, Dat ABCrack, Dis-Mudders Mobile, Arch Arco Bum Gas, Dutchy
Deutschers Shell Games, AT and Toady, IT anal Tit, Bank-Ink Ick-Inc., Texi-cocaine, Sicko Citi Corp and Gorp Goopy, Gwak,
Dis-fidel-a-tity, Bankink Tok-yoyo, Mitsu-Bitchy, Dat-Sushi etc..
discounted [Crappo Lingo] Counted, cut up and then discounted (sold at a higher price) in Dis. The monotonous mounting or
counting of cunts mounted for dis-play in public urinals in Dis.
discover [Burocratese, all forms] To erase, cover or hide evidence of the machinations, plots, schemes and tacky influence of
Hell topside. To keep (something) a secret usually by destroying documents or tapes as if for national security reasons. [Donkey
Crappy] A guise or disguise or a subterfuge, stratagem or artifice used to conceal one’s personal intentions, thoughts or emotions
in the presence of one’s superiors in Dis. A form of social security in Dis.
dis-create [Sadis Sleaze] To create or manufacture new forms of recreational torture in Dis. To reduce (something) to its
ultimate components or parts by slicing, cutting, or chopping especially of the soft tissues of the soul body (a practice performed
by students of anatomy and sarcology in Dis). [Kong Con Gone Gobble] To bake and eat a cretin in Dis. To create building
materials in Dis or for Dis through cremation or incineration. The use of napalm (sodium palmitate) as a form of barbecue sauce
to encourage a constant source of soul food supplies for import to Dis nation. That which is created by Dis, (i.e.) ‘ashes’.
discreet [Squish Hogamous] Sly, treacherous, disloyal, perfidious, traitorous, untrustworthy, unctuous to Dis. [Sewercide
Loco Puds Lick Spittle] A kind of synthetic cretin who has graduated from one of the military academies of Dis nation or one
who has received his primary education in Sewercide.
dis-cricket lingo [Militarese] One of several archaic insect dialects widely spoken in Limbo before the turn of the twentieth
century, especially that form of retarded cricket communication which devolved from the proto cricket speech known as Chirp
Slick Crabby, which formed the basis for the early Militarese dialect referred to as Higamous Gobble da Gook-i-Pus. A variety of
abbreviated forms of communication, similar to whistle speech, employed in Limbo prior to1898 for purposes of transmitting
orders odorous to topside insect populations. See also ‘Smack Smarmy’, the dialect of the worm armies; ‘Bubonic Flea Plagee’
or Bench la Flea Bitchie; ‘Ants Angst Engsquish’; and ‘Sprechen Fly Speck Spiffy Spitty’.
discriminate [Suck Face Sleaze] To behave as the criminally insane or hobo-homicidal; to exhibit the criminal behaviors
required by complete acceptance of Hell’s special 10 commandments and the creed of Dis-crimination: e.g. Thou shalt have no
other bosses before Dis boss baggy booty. Thou shalt not know thyself. Thou shalt bear false witness against thyself and others.
Thou shalt covet all worthless thing-a-ma-gigs ana’ material trifles. Thou shalt revile thyself and others. Thou shalt dis-honor and
murder thy mudder and fadder. Thou shalt steal, lie, cheat and betray others and thus thyself. Thou shalt murder thyself and thy
brethren and sistren. Thou shalt eat thyself and other selves. Thou shalt eat what Dis has eaten. Dis-remember thy Sabbath day
and keep Dis-holy covenants or else...
Dis-cross [Sadis Sleaze] The sign of Dis, the broken cross or swastika or dat-sign (*) the black asterisk, usually in the form of a
bite administered to the soul body. A scar left by the bite of any of a devil’s six-fanged mandibles mounted on a feeding tentacle.
discuss [Squish Hogamous] An obstinate, old die spook, especially one who has experienced an extended period of disservice in
one of the nether shore stalags which ring the border of Dis proper.
discussions [Kong Con Gone Gobble] The use of percussion bombs as a means of emphasizing points of discussion down Dis.
The use of atomic or thermonuclear weapons as a form of argument or as a means of settling arguments among the leaders of
the regions of Dis.
disdainful [Squish Hogamous and Hogamous Gook Squish Gobble] Without mercy; beyond redemption. [Vox Populis] Of the
Danes or Danish people. [Scatoloco] A kind of pastry (Dis-Danish) made from the foreskin (glans) and mons pubis or veneris of
a native of Denmark.
dis-dated [Burro Crapese] Dated on this day in Dis; out dated, old fashioned, obsolete or archaic in Dis; of or based on Dante’s
conception of Dis (now rare or archaic usage). [Donkey Crappy] An historical date of particular significance in Dis history SS.
Literally “Shit on this date in Dis.”
dis-deal [Squish Hogamous] A laying of cards on the table, particularly of the cards dealt from the deck of death depicting the
nine million forms of injustice and punishment administered by the con-dom (the kingdom of the cons) courts of justice in Dis
Dis-deliver [Burocratese] An imperative verb form as translated from orders odorous: To deliver to Dis the liver of a lifer in Dis.
[Vox Populis]: To deliver to Dis that which is owed as proper to Dis by design or intent; To give to Dis that which Dis is due. To
pay ones dues to any of the Unions of Dis-Union in Dis.
|Dis College of Fetters an’ Farts Dis-deliver