Entry 376: Collected Essays of Eucalyptus Ike
Investigations of Holeness Reveal Introspection is for the Birds
Let me be perfectly clear. The splificated* but declassified foolishness depicted below is not intended to be sold, traded, exchanged, bartered for, negotiated over, or shared with the general public, especially
those with closed minds. However, we will not be concerned with the type of holes most men spend their time fantasizing about, like holes with hair around them or lipstick. No, those holes are not part of the
complex geometric equation of symbolism which will receive our undivided attention, in spite of certain inconvenient irritations as we sit with our urine bag now half loaded or our feeding tube still attached….
You see, Ike is currently far too old and much too tired of the unmitigated bullshit society has in store (for the average human) to waste time or brain power on the hopelessly stupid, incompetent or
intellectually narrow minded. It’s just too late for them, and they might as well accept it. Nevertheless, a few close friends and family members might want to know, for some bizarre or inexplicable reason,
what’s currently going on in Ike’s small and continuously shrinking world.
Naturally, family will instantly recognize that Ike has been wasting even more time with his hobby,
wood carving. Some might even notice that the object here is not a new piece but instead an older
carving which has been hollowed out and redesigned. And since the wood in this case is Eucalyptus
(firewood) that suggests certain medicinal implications.
Now it turns out that Ike spent three weeks reaming out the interior of this incredibly hard block of
wood. Initially it weighed about 100 pounds. Currently it weighs about 70. That means it took 21
days of hard knocks to chisel out just 30 pounds of excess weight. Then it took another 12 days to
grind down and sand smooth the splintered interior surface. (Eucalyptus is a real sand paper eating
bitch.) Next Ike used wood burning bits to incise a basic pattern of vines (another week) and then
began to dot paint both the interior and exterior vines for about three weeks. All together then, if you
count the time it took to carve the piece initially (over two months), we are talking about a
considerable investment of time and energy, for what? So it will sit in the garage gathering dust like
all the rest of Ike’s carvings? Thus the inevitable question becomes what the Hell is going on? Why
would any reasonably intelligent adult waste so much time in an apparently worthless endeavor? In
an endeavor which, by the way, visitors to the garage tend to ignore altogether. Even if they glance at
this carving in the first place. Of course, we are all well aware that people often engage in behavior
which has no point to it, like a great many poets and philosophers for example. But that is another
topic. Let’s boil it down then to the facts. Why does a 79 year old ne’er-do-well near the end of his
life processes spend countless hours engaged in an activity that has no apparent future prospects?
Well, when you figure that out, would you be so kind as to let me know, because I do not pretend to
understand why I do much of what I do. Mostly, I don’t have a clue. And since I typically start a
project without any genuine sense of what the eventual outcome will be, I can’t profess to
understand why this particular carving turned out as it did. Perhaps you as an unindicted co-
conspirator will be in a better position to perceive what I cannot, although I doubt it.
* spiflicated, adj. : to be utterly and completely high without knowing what the Hell is going on…
Another curious observation can be made about this piece. If you observe the next photo, you may realize that the interior walls are spattered with a mélange of images that cannot be seen at all well if you
peek through one of the two apertures. Only by turning the carving on its side (no small effort) and looking in from the bottom can you begin to make most of them out. And who is likely to want to do
that? Next, notice the vine is wrapped around the base of the interior as well, which suggests what’s outside and what’s inside are somehow to be construed as connected. Looking closely, one might even
notice a woman standing in a sari with her right arm reaching upward. Near her knee is a tiny stick figure of a man. And the two are surrounded by a flurry of figures resembling humming birds and what
looks like something similar to a spider web or a net.
But, why go to so much trouble to end up hiding stuff in the second place? Masks on the outside
surrounding an interior decorated with figures, birds and other odds and ends? It doesn’t seem to make any
sense. Is it some sort of allegory, a picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden truth or meaning? And,
where do such ideas come from in the first place? Can we really be certain that when an idea occurs to us
we get to take all the credit for it? Perhaps it’s really the subconscious that deserves the credit. And since
we don’t really have any control over that, why should we care one way or the other? Frankly it’s beyond
me. What do you think?
Finally, I can say at least one thing I’m fairly confident about. Unconscious decision making doesn’t seem
to lead anywhere or to have any useful purpose. That’s why I personally was forced to conclude that
“introspection is mostly for the birds…”
Unfortunately, there is more to the story…
While Ike was busy with his investigation of holeness, he was also diddling with another old carving, the Tiki you see at left. Of course there is nothing
unusual about that, for Ike is known to waste time in an inordinately prodigious manner. However, this grotesque piece was attacked exclusively with
wood burning bits, also without any apparent plan. Thus it ended up covered with seemingly random figures and designs. But are they truly random?
Careful discovery will reveal that this ludicrous ancestor figure is itself decorated with vines, birds and figures. And the wood is old, dry and very hard
Eucalyptus. Similarly, on the back where they do not appear to the casual observer are what may be referred to as drawings which bear no resemblance
to any known Tiki motif.
For example, there is a small door at the bottom of the photo surrounded by vines with two odd
birds perched above a 4 pane window and a potted plant. (Note: Ike was smoking pot heavily
all during this period.) Beside that door is another small stick figure which seems to be
dispensing a descending collection of odd symbols.
Above and to the left of the door is a distorted female torso being nosed around by a spooky
character draped in a cowl or hood and a cape covered with raptorial like birds. The peak of the
hood also looks oddly like a breast. Clusters of grapes hang from nearby vines. Wing patterns
are superimposed. Peculiar images appear adjacently, all of which do not share characteristics
typically associated with Tiki type motif. In fact, a case could be made that this goulash
suggests the appellation ‘Tiki’ no longer really applies.
Another rotation of the carving reveals a female wearing a Kimono and head piece decorated with tropical fish (kissing gourami). Her face is
surrounded by clusters of hanging grapes. The train of her Kimono seems to incorporate the birds and doorway as well as other figures
prominent among which are two heads superimposed one atop the other. The upper is wearing a cross (perhaps she has a cross to bear) while
the lower suggests a mythical beast (say beauty and the beast?)
So where does all this leave us?
Let me put it this way. Only a cockeyed and quixotic person like Ike would spend countless hours fiddling with paint and a wood burning kit in
order to redecorate previously finished carvings. And only a mind beyond Octogenarian deterioration would preoccupy itself with superfluous
rubbish in a wimpy attempt to pass that off as “art.” Whatever these doodles represent, if they represent anything beyond childish scribble, is
neither significant nor worth the time you have spent reading this drivel.
Case closed. Forget about introspection. It won’t get you anywhere. Instead, make a life for yourself. Concentrate on that. Because when it’s all
over, when it’s all said and done, you will have some very nice memories rather than a garage filled with trivial knick knacks gathering dust…
Addenda from a La Casa Psychiatric Evaluation following a recent interview with the patient:
As is obvious above, Ike is posing as both Ike and his narrator as well, by continuing to write in the first person as Ike but to refer to another
“Ike” as someone else. Hence his personality is still psychotically split. Furthermore, he continues to maintain that his artistic methodology is
currently non-existent. By this he means that he is no longer consciously directing the course of his garage activities. He calls his current modus
operandi “No mind.” Apparently, he is attempting to remove all intermediate complications and intermediaries that lie between his conscious
and subconscious mind. Or to be succinct, “to let it all out or drain it, so to speak.” (Is it not clear whether his catheter has played a role in this
delusion.) Curiously, there is little doubt that his “output” has increased tremendously over recent weeks. It is also unclear why he has
persisted in the application of wood burning to what essentially constitutes sculpted firewood. Is that symbolically significant? Further, there is
a third carving also extensively wood burned that he has so far refused to speak about. It is larger, quite heavy, and also in Eucalyptus….
Medical addenda: Dr. Ho, the attending La Casa Urologist, has reported that Ike’s prostate is now so large that it has morphed a knuckle up into
his bladder, which is the cause of even more frequent urination. It has not been determined if this condition is somehow related to his wood
burning activities, but it certainly must sting when he pees.
La Casa Sanitarium, Feb. 2, 2019
Office of the Director of Patient Medical Services
Data Base Readout 2764B-4327
Re: Follow up to Psychiatric Evaluation of the Patient Eucalyptus Ike (following his most recent prostate incident…)
The Transcript of Dr. Ho’s urologic records indicates that Ike has been suffering from painful urination for a period of several months.
Although his prostate condition has persisted for a number of years, it became chronic in the past three, exacerbated by to two bladder
infections and three incidents of copious blood in the urine. Now about 3 times its normal size, it has also morphed upward to press in upon
the bladder, reducing its ability to contain urine while increasing the need to urinate frequently. Uroscopy revealed muscular striations in the
walls of the bladder (caused by straining to urinate) and a network of enlarged blood vessels which are undoubtedly the source of the bleeding.
Two CT Scans have confirmed calcinations in both the bladder and the prostate as well. Thus, urination under these circumstances tends to
sting or burn with increasing intensity. A catheter inserted 11 days ago was removed on 2/1/2019.
Dr. Sognoggler is convinced that the central bearded figure with arms outstretched is in fact meant to represent Ike himself in the role of a
messianic figure. That is to say, in the role of delivering an important message to mankind. This comports well with the interpretation that Ike
has qualified megalomaniacal delusions. Sognoggler also maintains that there is a cult like quality to Ike’s recent artwork due to the presence
of the tiny stick figures who represent obedient acolytes that can be found hopping, skipping and jumping to his tune nearby. According to
Ike’s internet carving website, the sculpted figure on the frontside is referred to as “Big Lumpy” (see inset).
No mention of “Lizard land” has so far turned up in any of the digital scans although the California Fence Lizard [Sceloporus occidentalis)
also known as the Blue Belly, is a common sight on the grounds of La Casa. The term ‘Blue Belly’ was also a derogatory reference to Union
soldiers during the American Civil War. The reference to “We = us” is probably an abbreviated version of ‘We are the United States and
therefore we hold these truths to be self-evident, and so forth…Why this cryptic formulation was wood burned beside the reference to
“FARTS” suggests a host of possibly ominous correlations.
If in fact Ike has found a way to tap into his subconscious, as he maintains, the apparently random nature of all the motif materials on his
latest creations may provide clues or insights into the onset of his bizarre personality disorders. One primary psychiatric question however
still remains: Why are the vast majority of Ike’s carved heads severed from their material bodies or impaled on sticks?
Concurrently, psychiatric evals of Ike have all reported increased activity as well in his PT Cubicle (detected via the surveillance camera). And
Patient Acquisitions records show purchases of both acrylic paint, brushes, two wood burning kits and numerous bits all within the last six
months. It seems clear that the flurry of wood burning Ike has engaged in is concurrent with the onset of his cubicle activity and the increased
intensity of his painful urinations. The fact that the medium for his wood burning efforts lately is Eucalyptus wood is, however, most likely a
mere coincidence. Therefore, in the opinion of the psychiatric team, Ike does not appear to be a danger to himself, and his cubicle prerogatives
and privileges have not been restricted as of this report.
A photo of the undisclosed so-called 3rd project Ike has refused to speak about was also captured via the surveillance camera. (see at right)
An analysis of its pictoglyphs by Dr. Sven Sognoggler does not provide any evidence of suicidal tendencies or the potential for self-mutilation.
Certain of its features, however, do suggest Ike is being honest about his methodological modus operandi.
Note for example the reoccurrence of the “Potted Plant” motif located just below Ike’s signature at the upper left. Note also the pattern of
descending stick figures who appear to be running, dancing, skipping from top center to the right etc., the naked female with a single breast,
wearing a highly decorated robe or cape, the numerous masks or faces and so forth.
Verbal material also occurs here. Below Ike’s signature are the vowels E.I.E.I.O. reminiscent of the nursery rhyme “Old McDonald Had a
Farm.” The acronyms F.A.R.T.S. and M.L.C.S., the ungrammatical predicate nominative “We = us.”,
the phrases “Lizard land” and “No Mind.” And so forth.
A deep scan of the voluminous writings by Ike has turned up possible interpretations for two of these elements. MLCS probably refers to the
Monorail Literary [and] Cultural Society (in his early twenties Ike was employed for 5 years as a Monorail pilot at Disneyland.) Monorail
employees at that time participated in social events and costume parties where their foreheads were stamped with MLCS in red letters. The
society’s motto: “We believe it is important to preserve the freedom to be in bad taste” and an infrequent publication titled “Besmirch” as well
as the parties formed part of the allure for the attraction of new members.
The acronym FARTS has multiple implications. Ike’s apocalyptic dictionary “Lucifer’s Lexicon of the Dark Design” contains entries that may
be significant, the most provocative being “Federal Atomic Research Testing Stations.” Set in Hell, the narrative describes vast collectives of
souls rounded up in concentration camp cities (or Farts Cantons) on the Plains of Nagshima, in order to burn them to oblivion with
thermonuclear explosions as a means of alleviating an overpopulation crisis in the infernal regions.